I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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