So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
