if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
