i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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