I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
