True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
