she was so not down for the gang bang
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
