There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
