Don't you send me to vm
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
