thus making me awesome and them whores
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
