Someone shit on the floor
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
