Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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