they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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