I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
