i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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