I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
