Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
