I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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