So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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