I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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