when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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