i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
