I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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