I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
