I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
