i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
