yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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