There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
