threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How's work?
Spinning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
