She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
