Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
