Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
