Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
