Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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