If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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