So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
