i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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