I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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