also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
