Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
