I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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