and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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