this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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