I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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