I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
