He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
