hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
