Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
