Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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