My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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