she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
