Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
