Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
