Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize