we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
