college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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