I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
