who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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