i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
