3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
