she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
