So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
only you would photoshop your dick
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Floor bacon is actually really good
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