"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I didn't shave. On purpose
dude i'm inner monologue high
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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