Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
