This girl is more easily done than said...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
