im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
