also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize