i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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