Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
