Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
