Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
