and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
