What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
