is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Less talking, more tequila
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
