So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
