bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize