Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Come share oat with me in your robe
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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