I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
