i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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