if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
