oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize