why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
