I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
