did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
