I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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