we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
