I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
