my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
