I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
