What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
