we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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