everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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