I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Rumble strips road head = magical
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
