he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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