I need to stop coming to work sober
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
