So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
