How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
