Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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