'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
