that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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