i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
