when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
