if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
