so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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